Things heated up the last few days, accelerating and finally ending in one quiet but disturbing encounter with us just talking sense for once, unfortunately, it may as well be the last.
Three years and some months (since we never really had an anniversary) and it ends with a whimper and not a bang. He started the talk, I dropped the bomb, I became the great evil, but better than prolonging mutual agony which the end was accepted on both sides.
The thing I need to do now is to learn a bit of disassociation. He moved his computer table out of the room as he now stays in another room till his family can move out (and him as well). He tries to be nice, tries to be more conscientious, caring but at the same time formal. It actually hurts more than its supposed to be!
I have a buffer in the form of a friend, but when I'm alone like now, things slowly pour like concrete settling in. Many realizations but the end thing is, I'm free but not totally.
I'm different, probably more ragged, more needy, more... tense and I don't totally trust my feelings for now, like everything is in question.
Hopefully things will settle down as things move on their own pace, moving apart, starting in a new direction.
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