In the cycle of my life, smoke and mirrors, placebo's, face masks, layers, hiding deep things that rarely see light, control of it and myself taking most of my own strength, its been a normal habit that when things go pop, they boom big time.
I haven't reached point break in ages and don't want it to happen but I was close to it awhile ago. I think he hit my vulnerability, my insecurity and that hit home pretty fast I was almost ready to pounce but I was at work, I cant lose this job, I cant go amok there, so silence, control and then leave.
Overall I don't think I'll be strong really, its just a mechanism for me to appear strong or capable when inside, well really deep inside, I'm vulnerable and lost.
I don't want to be that way, I have answers but fear always keep me back from doing it. And instead, I just wing it and skirt the edge without really crossing over. I know I'll have to do whats right soon, very soon.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
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