Been trying to unscramble some tangled finances of late and I'm barely able to keep up but I'm still afloat and saving a tiny bit in between. People who owe me money seem to paying up slowly so its something to keep up with the output. Main reason for this sudden trouble is the lowered bonuses I was so used to getting and I dont see it getting any much better since the current metrics they're using is steep... So its time to step up or step out.
Speaking of stepping, I'm not sure what 'didn't' happen last rest day, someone I really like and spend time with at home kinda had a bit of a mutual misstep, first was my wasted chance at getting 'it' on, part of me wanted to but the rest was like 'uh, he said what? I should what? oh my!' I guess I got used to being manhandled to many times that if given a more consensual chance I balk.
Then again I've been balking at a lot of things of late and that too puzzles me, am usually a lot more gung-ho than this, *sigh* another mystery for another time.
Second would be the opportunity to spend more time with him which I again wasted with balking with juggled schedules. I mean its a chance to get to know the guy further and to even things out, I know as much when it comes to etiquette since he spends more time here, I should spend just as much with him in 'his' comfort zone. Somehow I feel I owe him some 'his turf' time.
Last was a combination puzzle, make overs to make me more um, presentable were offered and a rather clumsy missed chance for a little sweet kiss was the last conundrum. I know am not the clearest person on the planet and right now I'm not exactly readable of late but even I'm a bit misconstruing the whole thing. Am I assuming? Am I wishing? Projecting? or even *gasp* hoping??
I cant say but who knows, I'm not in a hurry (I think) and I got a few things on my plate I have to finish on my own before I ask another person to share my life. This song is on repeat right now, on the playlist and at inopportune times in real life.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Have I told you lately?
Things are getting back in the spirit of chaos, nothing thats unwieldy but it starts to pile up. I've been trying to straighten out my feelings for certain people by going headlong into a dive and finding out the secrets hidden in its depths. At least its one of the things that I can move to the side so I can move a bit more freely.
On the subject of love/like/lust interests, I know I got a few. So far I know someone I liked a lot (I used to have warm fuzzy feelings when I was able to hug him when I slept) is not a viable option anymore aka, he's not interested (at least for now, convenience factor I guess) hahahaha, ouch....
Then there's another one who I never really hoped for anything (sweet but flighty people will probably never land on me), will probably remain as my friend for a long time, but stays at that too. Pity.
A young one that I had the folly of falling for and still like the guy after years of being passed over shows interest but I can't feel more than being a father/brother to him now But, well, the stray memories of furry wonder when I caress his legs when we used to sleep spooning together keep me thinking how it could be then doused into a reality of nothing.
That narrows down interesting people to a very select few and though I have been trying to get some answers from myself on what it all means, interest doesn't seem to be anything more than a one way thing.
Maybe I'll fess up and say what I feel, but I'm pretty sure I'm transparent enough to people of interest so that I rarely need to verbalize myself.
Given that, I don't think I'll be talking soon. And when the attraction fades in the face of one way interests, we'll be the equivalent of two unmagnetized rods, we can clang together but we won't stick. Weird analogy but my brain's kinda iffy tonight so... I'll say goodnight for now
On the subject of love/like/lust interests, I know I got a few. So far I know someone I liked a lot (I used to have warm fuzzy feelings when I was able to hug him when I slept) is not a viable option anymore aka, he's not interested (at least for now, convenience factor I guess) hahahaha, ouch....
Then there's another one who I never really hoped for anything (sweet but flighty people will probably never land on me), will probably remain as my friend for a long time, but stays at that too. Pity.
A young one that I had the folly of falling for and still like the guy after years of being passed over shows interest but I can't feel more than being a father/brother to him now But, well, the stray memories of furry wonder when I caress his legs when we used to sleep spooning together keep me thinking how it could be then doused into a reality of nothing.
That narrows down interesting people to a very select few and though I have been trying to get some answers from myself on what it all means, interest doesn't seem to be anything more than a one way thing.
Maybe I'll fess up and say what I feel, but I'm pretty sure I'm transparent enough to people of interest so that I rarely need to verbalize myself.
Given that, I don't think I'll be talking soon. And when the attraction fades in the face of one way interests, we'll be the equivalent of two unmagnetized rods, we can clang together but we won't stick. Weird analogy but my brain's kinda iffy tonight so... I'll say goodnight for now
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