My best friend just recently got exclusive (somewhat) with this adorable little twink who's like oh so (Pardon my Blonde) all over him and like, you know, the guy is like uber top and cooks and its like sooooooooo yummy! My goodness, he's got my vote, wish he had an older brother hoohoohoo.
On a serious note, the guy was young and reminded me of myself, how I could go all out on someone i really really like (love?!?), something I feel I've been missing in trying to be careful and guarded. Somehow I think I know why.
Somethings broken I'm sure, how else can I explain it? Something in me isn't ticking right and seeing my best friend having the time of his life is making me feel a bit envious. Making me feel I wish I had someone like that, whom I could feel mutually excited about. Add to that there's no one (except one ex) who's like gaga over me and that I'm not exactly the picture of a helpless damsel in distress needing his knight in shining armor.
I guess I'm just trying to rationalize this feeling of want/need for something more, this slight ache that makes me wish I wasn't feeling alone in bed, hugging a pillow and just dozing off since I'm just tired from work. Deep inside I was wishing I was hugging my lifelong partner, feeling tired after a hot passionate session and just talking a bit before sleeping in each others arms.
I know I need fixing, I just need the right timing, but with a badly ticking clock, how am I ever gonna get things going? For now its the pillow after a solo session and sleeping fitfully while my mind waits for work to start again.
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