If at first you don't succeed... give in!

A long time ago I decided not to blog anymore of my very colorful past and my current "don't ask, don't tell" (unless I feel like it) personal policy. But here I am again, half thinking this is crazy and still going full long into making another blog.

Though I'm going to write things that are very personal, I decided to be anonymous, with my self and the people involved with my life, juat to keep the status quo. As early as I can remember, I liked cars, the muscle type that few nowadays would truly appreciate like the old custom top-down mustang. What I didn't know till later is that this covered my real desire, motorcycles. I loved feeling the wind in my face, the first freedom that was afforded to me by a pedal busting bmx bike. This became more and more apparent with each year I grew and developed.

What I also didn't know, like my earlier desire for open top muscle cars, I too had a hidden nature that I would eventually uncover and define, my liking and love for men. Most people nowadays would peg me as gay, as the last serious tryst with a woman/girl was back in college where peer and personal pressure gets most young adults. In the strictest sense of the word, I would be gay but it would not truly define who I am, the best I would be able to come up with is a man who loves/likes other men (and still be attracted to women to an equal or lesser degree).

So anyway, as a young boy, I grew up being attracted to men, not other boys mind you though there had been exceptions. I was easily interested by older, adult men, the more stocky, gruf, scruffy and/or hairy they are, the more I felt a pull in their direction. I rarely, if ever, found the clean looking, shaved, twinky, hairless male wonders as attractive.

Still, growing up with those obviously socially contradicting thoughts made me want to know wh or what I really am, to put a 'tag' on me and place me where I belong. All the while, the pull of men grew stronger as were my desire for riding a bike and all the things associated with growing up.